Previously, says Compass employee Ron Stevenson, stepping into a dining hall was unsafe for not only students with nut allergies, but also people with a dedication to celibacy.
6 Ways to Grab Their Attention at the Career Fair Without Setting Yourself on Fire
I for one would rather burn up in flames than work at anything less prestigious than Deloitte.
It’s Tuesday and Allison Dining Hall is Serving Lasagna, But I Wish They Served it Yesterday When I Had a Case of the Mondays Because I’m Garfield the Cat
But if that day is Monday, there better be some fucking lasagna waiting for me in the dining hall.
Unlucky Student Takes One for the Team and Fucks PA
“I had the best registration time so I felt it was only fair that I be the one to do it,” shrugged Caroline. “At least I got into 10AM Orgo.”
PR Nightmare! One of the Dub Dub '18 Dance Moves is Called “We Love ISIS”
Set to “Sad!” by XXXTENTACION, representatives from NSFP stated that they were hoping to “get a little more hip and push some boundaries this year.”
Freshman Guide: Ice Breakers
Ice breakers sours are for that yummy mouth feel where you kinda wanna know what scraping the roof of your mouth with a steak knife would feel like, but are still building up the courage to try it.
NFL Rules That It Is Okay to Shoot an AR-15 During the National Anthem, as Long as Your Right Hand Is on Your Chest
In addition, the league explained that silence is mandatory unless players decide to say, “I’d bang the flag for freedom,” in a fit of passion.
AND is in our DNA! This Student is a Member of College Republicans AND His Parents Don’t Love Him!
Preston is somehow able to find the time to serve as Vice President of Northwestern College Republicans AND be tormented by the knowledge that his parents don’t truly love him.
“The Best Part of My Work Is Streamlining User Experience” Says Summer Intern Through the Eyes of Dying Dreams
Humanity will never go to mars, but be doomed to live on this dying earth, up to our knees in broken phones and discarded plastic, doomed to be alone with nothing but a user friendly interface.
Student Low On Dining Dollars Knows What Poverty Must Feel Like
Clarke and Elliot were last seen telling low-income students in their classes that “we’re basically the same,” and asking, “can you help me fill out the FAFSA?”
Here’s How to Come Back from Summer a Lot Hotter and Oh Shit It’s August You’re Fucked Sorry
Yeah, that’s right - you’re a North Campus 6 and a GENEROUS South Campus 4.5
All of the Animals at Rainforest Cafe are Animatronic, and I Can Prove It
The animals do the same exact thing every single time there’s a storm. Um, what? Rainforest Cafe, that isn’t even convincing in the slightest. At least add some variation in the activity of the animals so that it seems like their response to the environment is organic
Baby Emily Gives Up Gerber Bananas Puree to be Bikini Ready for Baby Tommy’s First Birthday Party
Baby Jenny, the loudest voice in the playgroup, preached, “I govern my body; I determine what goes in it, and I’m cutting out that sugary, carby, Gerber banana puree for my own good and self care…”
I Know He Doesn’t Have To, But If Jeff Bezos Could Fix Income Inequality That Would Be Really Really Cool of Him
If he used some of his hard earned 143.1 Billion dollars to fix income inequality that would be super duper cool of him.
Northwestern Dining Halls Ranked By The Likelihood Of Running Into That Girl Sarah Who Stopped Texting Me
That being said, Sarah, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
Casualties Report: School of Comm Students Endure Mamma Mia 2 Related Injuries
RTVF major and Theater minor Noah Alvarez is literally missing one of his kidneys, as he ripped it out during the production number of “Dancing Queen” and threw it at the screen to show his support of Pierce Brosnan’s attempt at the choreography.
Life Hack: 3 Easy Tricks to Help You Get People to Stop Going Diarrhea on Your Origami Paper Hats
It seems that nowadays, nobody can enjoy the simple pleasure of constructing and wearing an origami paper hat without having somebody else come up and diarrhea on it.
MOVE OVER JUSTIN BARBIN: This Guy Has Huji
“It began with taking a few pics of my friends buttchugging some flokos (Four Lokos), and they for some reason really liked them. Since then I've kinda been taking over the photography scene."
Straight Woman Kisses Sorority Sister At Pride, Ends Homophobia
The picture immediately set fire to the Westboro Baptist Church and disintegrated CupcakKe’s entire wig collection.
The 6 Guys Left in Evanston to Fuck This Summer
The question remains: Who are you going to fuck this summer when everyone is gone?