6 Reasons Being Alone on Valentine’s Day is Awesome
- You can eat whatever you want for dinner. You know what’s the worst? Trying to decide where to eat with someone else. You want Italian, your significant other wants Ethiopian-Japanese fusion…what’s a couple to do? Instead of arguing with someone about where to stare meaningfully into each other’s eyes over plates of food one of you will be disappointed about, being alone on Valentine’s Day means YOU get to choose where to go. You can even order Chinese take-out and a large pizza and eat it ALL without judgment in your apartment because your roommate is on a date. NICE.
- You can buy things for yourself. Because you don’t have a sig o, use being single on Valentine’s Day to #treatyoself with chocolate, ice cream, concert tickets, sweat pants or whatever else you bought for that asswipe of an ex who dumped you two weeks before Valentine’s Day tickles your fancy.
- No one can judge you for downing Ben and Jerry’s. Everyone knows that every lonely person loves a good BJ* so people will literally be expecting you to eat that shit out of the carton. Just try to forget about all the times you and Jonathan used to split a pint of Chunky Monkey while watching Chopped.
- It’s another excuse to have a wine night…by yourself. What goes better with crippling loneliness than ice cream? WINE. WINE DOES. Chug a good merlot while watching Netflix on your couch, and you’ll instantly forget about the cute way Jonathan played with your hair whenever you were cuddling on the futon and how much you loved pretending to hate when he tickled you. See, no more pain!!!
- You have a REASON to be disgusted by couples. All the couples you see in public will be extremely understanding when you come from behind and rip their hands apart screaming “IF I CAN’T HOLD HANDS WITH JONATHAN, NO ONE CAN HOLD HANDS WITH ANYONE.” It’s Valentine’s Day, and you’re alone. They’ll feel really sorry for you and wonder how such a catch like you could possibly not have a date. You can even make a game out of how many dates you can ruin! BEING ALONE RULES.
- You can...UGH NO SCREW THIS. JONATHAN PLEASE JUST TAKE ME BACK. WHAT KIND OF A SADIST BREAKS UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND TWO WEEKS BEFORE VALENTINE’S DAY?! COULDN’T YOU HAVE WAITED TIL AFTER THIS HORRID HOLIDAY?! I KNOW WE PRACTICALLY HATED EACH OTHER AND ACTUALLY TRIED TO MURDER EACH OTHER LAST MONTH—BUT IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO WANT A DATE ON VALENTINE’S DAY JUST ONCE IN MY LIFE? GOD YOU’RE SUCH AN ASS!!!!**
*Interpret this how you will
**But I’ll do anything…please just take me back. Pleaseeeeeeeeeee <3333 :)??