5 Ways Northwestern Could Spend Ten Thousand Dollars
Last week, the Northwestern Associated Student Government released its four options for the possible recipients of the 10K Initiative funds. The information was met with one over-whelming response: ASG is allowed to do actual things? I thought they were just people who were really enthusiastic about writing their names in chalk across campus. And honestly, we here at Sherman Ave feel that buying ten-thousand dollars worth of chalk would have been a better investment of their money. However, instead of criticizing ASG, we thought it best to propose some other ways the 10K Initiative Funds could be spent.
Here are the top five ideas our staff came up with:
1. Helping the Keg Renew Its Lease As all of you have probably heard, the City of Evanston and the anti-fun police have declared that they will be closing one of Northwestern's top facilities: The Keg of Evanston. However, there is one thing that could change their minds: ten thousand dollars. While we understand the Keg's lease is likely expensive due to the fact that it must own enough property to accommodate one quarter of the Evanston Township High School student body on a daily basis, we believe ten thousand dollars would be sufficient to keep the institution running until Mayor Tisdahl is called back to service at the nunnery.
2. Improving the Wi-Fi Service Remember that time when you were on campus and you needed to submit your paper to safe assign, but you couldn't because the only thing that loaded when you opened your browser was a big sign that said, "NORTHWESTERN TECHINICAL SERVICES SAYS, 'FUCK YOU!'" Remember how that situation repeats EVERY FUCKING QUARTER? Yeah. Maybe we should try to fix that before we decide to pay ten thousand dollars to screen Cars 2 on the lakefill.
3. Creating a Working Shuttle-Tracking System Did you know that Northwestern has a system in place for tracking where Northwestern shuttles are on their routes? Did you know that system will tell you the shuttle is going to be there in three minutes when it's still outside of the Feinberg School of Medicine IN CHICAGO? Having a shuttle system is great, but only when the shuttles actually take you to where you need to go and pick you up when you expect them to because...well...that's how transportation is supposed to work. As much as I love benches, I'd rather be able to know where the shuttles are so I don't have to sit on those benches waiting for a shuttle that is 40 minutes late.
4. Developing Better Psychological Services On a serious note, if this year at Northwestern has taught us one thing, it's that we need to make sure that all students have a means of reaching out to someone when they are in need. However, the system that is currently in place does not seem to allow that. Many students feel that they only matter to Northwestern as dollar signs and future award recipients, and feel uncomfortable accessing the impersonal psychological treatment services that exist currently. We're not saying ten thousand dollars would fix this problem or even come close, but using that money to fund studies to better understand student needs and try to meet those needs would do a lot more for this campus than a statue of Willie the Wildcat ever could.
5. Literally Anything Else Want to know what's better than these options? Anything. Any possible thing. Like, substitute any of these options for an idea that sounds even remotely useful and you'll be better using the ten thousand dollars. Even the one good idea proposed has been bastardized because Northwestern can apparently afford to spend ten thousand dollars on a fucking statue, but not on a sustainability project. Don't call something a 10K Initiative then explain that you can only spend 5K on the only idea that shows any initiative.