Hi.

Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in travel, style, and food. Hope you have a nice stay!

28 Shitty College Mascots That Are STILL Better Than A Poisonous Tree Nut

28 Shitty College Mascots That Are STILL Better Than A Poisonous Tree Nut

23167-brutusthebuckeye-thumb-280x400.jpg

Do me a favor real quick. Take your right index and middle finger and press it about an inch below your jawline under your ear. Can you feel a pulse? You can?! Awesome! Then you hate Ohio State University. While there are quite literally thousands of reasons to hate #AnOhioStateUniversity, we're choosing to spend this article focusing on Ohio State's mascot, the Buckeyes. According to Yahoo Answers, a buckeye is a steaming, wrinkly scrotum poisonous tree nut. Let's take a look at some other college mascots that are unthinkably lame but still somehow better than Ohio State's pathetic fucking flora.

Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves

How much would a seawolf resemble a mermaid?

Amherst College Lord Jeffs

If "Lord Jeff" refers to Jeff Bridges, I.....honestly would be okay with that

Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils

YOUR MASCOT IS A BEETLE BYE

Arkansas Tech Wonder Boys

I can't. I honestly can't.

Austin College Kangaroos

Kangaroos, welcome to the glamorous life of a minority in Texas.

Bethany College Swedes

Appropriately, since Bethany College certainly hasn't had a strong sports program since at least 1648.

Bethel College Threshers

Not the thrashers. The threshers. Like...a threshold? I don't get it.

Bowdoin College Polar Bears

Polar bears are soooo adorable. Especially all the ones in Maine.

Campbell University Fighting Camels

This mascot was chosen by a committee of Campbell students who had just studied abroad in Spain.

Earlham College Hustlin' Quakers

HUSTLIN' QUAKERS. THE HUSTLIN' QUAKERS. QUAKERS WHO HUSTLE. HOW

Evergreen State College Geoducks

Someone please explain.

Geneva State Golden Tornadoes

They used to be the tornadoes, then they saw that infomercial about the rising value of gold and they were like OMG WE HAVE TO PUT GOLD INTO OUR NAME RIGHT NOW YEAH

Gustavus Adolphis College Golden Gusties

K.

Hawaii Rainbow Warriors

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAj26rVWK14

Hiram College Terriers

If you're going to be a puppy that isn't frightening, at least go with a corgi.

Knox College Prairie Fire

Surely there's some historical incident to which this is irreverent.

Massachusetts Institute of Technology Engineers

O rly u guyz lyke sience?

Mount Union Purple Raiders

LITERALLY SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHYYY

New Mexico Mining & Technology Pygmies

Incomprehensible.

Pacific Lutheran University Lutes

Named after Jack Silver, the most badass lute player since fucking Orpheus.

Rhode Island School of Design Nads

NADS MEANS BALLS. TESTICLES. NADS ARE TESTICLES. WHY DON'T YOU GET THAT.

Sam Houston State Bearkats

Alumni include Vernon Rudolph, founder of Krispy Kreme, and Nathan Bedford Forrest, founder of the KKK.

Scottsdale Community College Artichokes

..............................

UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs

Okay this one is funny.

Viterbo University V-Hawks

If this isn't short for Vaginahawks then I give up on everything.

Webster Gorloks

Um.

Whitman Missionaries

HOPE IT MEANS THE SEX POSITION AW YEAH AMIRITE

Wisconsin-Sheboygan Wombats

The single most Wisconsin mascot there ever was.

APPLY OR DIE (a friendly reminder from the good folks at Sherman Ave)

APPLY OR DIE (a friendly reminder from the good folks at Sherman Ave)

A Public Service Announcement to Wildcats Everywhere

A Public Service Announcement to Wildcats Everywhere