28 Shitty College Mascots That Are STILL Better Than A Poisonous Tree Nut
Do me a favor real quick. Take your right index and middle finger and press it about an inch below your jawline under your ear. Can you feel a pulse? You can?! Awesome! Then you hate Ohio State University.
While there are quite literally thousands of reasons to hate #AnOhioStateUniversity, we're choosing to spend this article focusing on Ohio State's mascot, the Buckeyes. According to Yahoo Answers, a buckeye is a
steaming, wrinkly scrotum poisonous tree nut. Let's take a look at some other college mascots that are unthinkably lame but still somehow better than Ohio State's pathetic fucking flora.
How much would a seawolf resemble a mermaid?
Amherst College Lord Jeffs
If "Lord Jeff" refers to Jeff Bridges, I.....honestly would be okay with that
Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils
YOUR MASCOT IS A BEETLE BYE
Arkansas Tech Wonder Boys
I can't. I honestly can't.
Austin College Kangaroos
Kangaroos, welcome to the glamorous life of a minority in Texas.
Bethany College Swedes
Appropriately, since Bethany College certainly hasn't had a strong sports program since at least 1648.
Bethel College Threshers
Not the thrashers. The threshers. Like...a threshold? I don't get it.
Bowdoin College Polar Bears
Polar bears are soooo adorable. Especially all the ones in Maine.
Campbell University Fighting Camels
This mascot was chosen by a committee of Campbell students who had just studied abroad in Spain.
Earlham College Hustlin' Quakers
HUSTLIN' QUAKERS. THE HUSTLIN' QUAKERS. QUAKERS WHO HUSTLE. HOW
Evergreen State College Geoducks
Someone please explain.
Geneva State Golden Tornadoes
They used to be the tornadoes, then they saw that infomercial about the rising value of gold and they were like OMG WE HAVE TO PUT GOLD INTO OUR NAME RIGHT NOW YEAH
Gustavus Adolphis College Golden Gusties
Hawaii Rainbow Warriors
Hiram College Terriers
If you're going to be a puppy that isn't frightening, at least go with a corgi.
Knox College Prairie Fire
Surely there's some historical incident to which this is irreverent.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology Engineers
O rly u guyz lyke sience?
Mount Union Purple Raiders
LITERALLY SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHYYY
New Mexico Mining & Technology Pygmies
Pacific Lutheran University Lutes
Named after Jack Silver, the most badass lute player since fucking Orpheus.
Rhode Island School of Design Nads
NADS MEANS BALLS. TESTICLES. NADS ARE TESTICLES. WHY DON'T YOU GET THAT.
Sam Houston State Bearkats
Alumni include Vernon Rudolph, founder of Krispy Kreme, and Nathan Bedford Forrest, founder of the KKK.
Scottsdale Community College Artichokes
UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs
Okay this one is funny.
Viterbo University V-Hawks
If this isn't short for Vaginahawks then I give up on everything.
HOPE IT MEANS THE SEX POSITION AW YEAH AMIRITE
The single most Wisconsin mascot there ever was.