1500 Dancers Hospitalized After DM Tent Accidentally Fumigated
EVANSTON, IL – Mistaking the site of the annual Northwestern philanthropy event for a termite-infested residence, a local pest control company accidentally fumigated the Dance Marathon tent, resulting in the hospitalization of all 1,500 dancers. According to campus police, the incident took place during the philanthropy’s twenty-third hour, after Shoo Fly Extermination Services experienced an error in their GPS system that brought their truck to the Dance Marathon tent. Due to a minor miscommunication with a fatigued DM staff, Shoo Fly exterminators proceeded to fill the massive tent with a mixture of noxious fumes.
“In retrospect, we probably shouldn’t have joked about the tent being filled with jitterbugs,” said Marketing & Media Committee Chair Brian Jennings, explaining that a comment intended to convey the happy-go-lucky nature of DM resulted in the poisoning of all 1,500 dancers. “Next thing you know, the tent is filled with lethal gas, and we haven’t even hit the eighth block.”
Dancers reportedly believed the green-colored gas to have been produced by a fog machine, dismissing the vapors as another effort by the Productions Committee to break up the monotony of the event. Despite the encouragement and motivation of the MCs and other DM workers, dancers’ neural systems quickly shut down in response to the dispersal of formaldehyde gas within the massive tarp, ceasing all dancing activities.
“At first we thought the dancers’ erratic shaking and convulsing was a response to ‘Hey Ya!’ being played,” said Productions Chair Erica Grand, referencing the hit OutKast song that played at the time the fumes were released. “Because the song has that part that goes ‘Shake it like a Polaroid Picture.’ But then everyone just started vomiting.” At press time, the Dance Marathon Executive Co-Chairs announced that the collective medical bills of all 1,500 dancers would be next year’s beneficiary.